24 September 2016

HypoChrist Date


What’s going on with dating Christian terrorists? We like to blame Muslims for their intolerance and our troubles, but we are forgetting to look at our own dear God’s faithful followers.

Lately, I’ve made the holy error of putting my dating faith into Christians. The title “Christian” sounds appealing at first: virtuous, pious, trustworthy, kind, humane, does unto others...sounds like a perfect Date.

But wait. Why are the majority of so-called Christians hypocrites? They’re doing good deeds – for themselves, not others. They pretend to be noble citizens – while hurting others without mercy. There’s a very special brand called the California Christian. The fa├žade is flawless, the veneer varnished, but the inside is stained and rotting. The piousness chips right off as soon as they’re exposed to daylight.
Jesus saves! He saves me
from any moral accountability!

I’m talking about the Christian who does a walk for breast cancer, and brags about being a good person, but makes sure her children never see their father again. Or the Christian who forces everyone at the table to make ritualistic sign of the cross before meals, but after wolfing down her dessert, keeps someone else’s children prisoner as her bleached fangs glitter menacingly in the recessed lighting. You’re not hiding anything in your artificially dimmed environment. How about the church-attending child services worker who screams and batters her own kids when they don't want to go to sleep?

Are we good people just because we call ourselves Christian, in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Ghouls…or is our true virtue based not on our self-adhesive labels, but our everyday actions?

Before you date one of these special Christians, I strongly urge you to observe them in action. Watch as they slash others to bits for their own gain. If they are depleted enough, you...just could be next.

Leave the Bibles in the bedside drawer at seedy motels, and date someone genuine whose bedside drawer contains something a little more lively! Take a peek...

Try Buddhists, for example. You’ll find self-awareness, tranquility, peace, and a different definition of virtue: selflessness, happiness and caring. There's never been a terrorist attack, harassment suit or custody war fought in the name of Buddhism, has there?

They assert: "Jesus died to forgive us our sins.” I guess that means our ancient ancestors sacrificed some guy thousands of years ago, to neatly justify new age Christians ceaselessly sinning without remorse. 

Cheers to Christian dating! Praise be-ware!