My good
friend Amber Disk-In (I think she prefers Diks-In) has dispensed some fantastic
dating advice over the years.

By far her
best advice is directed to married people. She asserts, “There comes a time
when you have to realize you can have a better life than the one you have.
Wouldn’t it be more beneficial to you and your wife to meet new people who are
better suited for you both? Your kids will adjust. You can do things you never
could do on the weekends you give away your kids. It’s a win-win! XO”
Amber’s amberlicious
advice comes with tried-and-true experience. As owner of The Pet Nanny, she
easily translates her experiences with furry fluffy animal friends to real
people. She offers “tender loving care of your animal children” and she thinks
she understands the needs of real human children as well. Animal babies get
separated from their parents all the time, and Amber believes this successfully
correlates to human babies as well. Based on her extensive cuddle time with
brainless furbeasts, she knows a lot about feeding, walking, watering of
property and detonating families. She even advocates “customized needs per
client.”
Folks at her
own Canyon Springs High School have reaped (or is it raped?) rewards from her
customized advice. Far and wide, married couples have reconsidered their vows
and ventured out to dating planets. Amber’s own sister loves her divorce, and
has become best friends with the husband she kicked to the curb. Doug E and
Selena M had an especially lovely parting, complete with Amber’s animal
counterparts in the admiring audience.
“Everyone is
better off dating!” she exclaims. “I value commitment and whatnot. Commitment
to playing the field!
Her motto is
“Live
every day like it's your last, no regrets, and love like it's the first time,
every time.”
Considering she’s pushing 38 and has no marital prospects herself,
it’s clear Amber’s dating advice brings lasting hap-penis.
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Warning label: Dating horrors can result. Can be fatal if swallowed. |