14 March 2012

Lunch Text Date

I thought I was so special. He texted, “Wanna have lunch?”

I eagerly responded “YES!” I know that when you really like someone, you’re not supposed to appear too eager. In fact, he had pointed out earlier, “I try to play it cool, but I think about you a lot.”

Well, play it cool I did NOT. Right away, I mean right away, I revealed my availability. Not just my availability, my absolute eagerness to be near this guy every chance I get! Including lunch.

But it turns out he’d sent this mass text lunch invite to 99 different women. He apologized; he was too busy filtering all the responses to actually meet me or eat (with) me.

10 March 2012


As I get older, wiser and more mature, I am (hopefully) more aware of when my dating = a pattern of destruction. Certainly my marriage had that special destructive flavor, for much longer than I care to admit. Since I got out of that one alive and handed the narcissistic wasbund off to the next unsuspecting wife, you’d think I could make better choices going forward! Right? Well, maybe. Remains to be seen.

Right on!
It’s really important for me to be #1 as a girlfriend. I’m saying, pay some attention to me. So you may marry me and love yardwork, TV and triathlons more than I bargained for. (But you’ve managed to put those aside to bed down with wifey #2.) Or you may love playing Words With Friends with your wife during our romantic dinner, having twin Facebook profiles with your ex and going on platonic dates with widowed women from work. Or, it may just be that you live 5 hours away and are ever-entwined in sharing a house with your wife.

Any way you slice it, I deserve a bigger piece of the pie. Am I being greedy? Selfish? Realistic? Self-sacrificing? I’m not sure.

You tell me just how much pie Dating Suburban should get, please.
I think I want a REALLY big piece.

05 March 2012

Not OK, Cupid!

My Blogger Buddy has been dabbling in the Dating World for a few decades, and she summed it up nicely for me recently by musing:

"Your Vacation Date reminds me that I'm going to a romantic Palm Springs hideaway with a gay man! It adds up to about the same "date" as with your mom!

And speaking of dates: had to dump the latest OK Cupid suitor the day before Valentine's Day. We did the BonerBack Trail (he wore hip, boho sneakers and fell on his ass three times), then went to PIS, where he proceeded to get drunk (he was also slamming them back on our first date) and make crude remarks.

The whole day, he could've held my hand, rubbed my arm or back, we could've made out on the trail, but, NO. He wants to get laid, so something crude pops out of his mouth. 

What is it with hetero men? 
Why do they think that behavior's going to lead to sex?

I'm going to have a better time in PS with Gay Jay than I probably ever would have with Mr. Not-OK Cupid."

DS's wasbund took the same approach to intimacy. Got it, guys? This doesn't work. We like kind, loving attention, not foolishness and insults. Pretty simple, really. Just like men.

01 March 2012

Rebound Relationship

When one relationship ends, it’s so easy to fall right into another. Wasbund fell into the convenient clutches of botox beotch, CC. Knives falls into the arms of any attractive work colleague, past, present or future.

And I’m...well...still falling.

Catch me if you can, please, someone.

I haven’t hit rock bottom yet.