23 August 2015

Morals Date

For some daters, the allure of money is so strong, it overshadows being a good person and supersedes doing the right thing. Heather Marklein has this issue. Her big house, SUV, two children and rockin’ dating life when her husband is away on business don’t cancel out being an absolute slut when it comes to morals and values.

See, my crown fits and my teeth grits!
You see, Heather is quick to dissolve a family if it puts money in her pocket. And, her pockets are bottomless! By day, she works as an attorney’s assistant. While she’s able to stretch a simple, straightforward marriage dissolution into years upon years of profitable paper-pushing ($5,000 to sign this form! another grand to draft an email! $3,000 more to schedule another useless court appearance!), she moves extremely swiftly when she can take children away from a loving parent. All calculations in the black.
Yes, child trafficking is popular, lucrative and it’s not that hard to do! Heather may drag her feet on forms, but taking kids away from a divorcing parent is not only a huge win for her reputation, it’s more money for her and her family. Immediately upon stripping children from their father, for example, she jumps in her SUV and races off to pick her daughter up at school, a savage smile pasted on her face. “Hi, honey!” she cheerily chirps in her falsetto. “We destroyed another family today, so we’re going to go buy a new patio set!”
“Hooray!” beams her daughter. “Those stupid kids shouldn’t have a father anyway! We get more stuff that way!”

In this manner, Heather infects her children with her morality. So far, the divorced and damaged families are so beaten down they can’t rise up in protest. Heather makes off with a bundle, and it invigorates her to do it all again.

I even heard she made a necklace from the tongues of the children she took, and wore it around town with pride. Silencing the children wasn’t really her fault, she crooned, “but just look at my beautiful necklace!”

All seems well and good for her. And it is, until the ax of morality comes down and slices her neck.

The moral of the story is…dirty money is a thin veil, Heather. It may pay for the dates now, but it all comes out in the wash sooner or later.

We’re waiting with bated breath for your fall from grace.