20 October 2011

Trial Date

There are no winners in divorce, only degrees of losing. Over the last 14 months of turmoil and sadness, DS lost 50% of her kids, most of her life’s savings, her dignity and often her mind.

If married couples can’t collaborate, divorcing is 100,000,000 times worse.

But there’s one thing I know regardless of the divorce trial’s outcome: while there are no winners – I’ve already won. I’VE WON MY LIFE BACK. 

Rest in peace...finally.

And, now, let the dating begin in earnest!

12 October 2011

Park Date

Date With A Dog

Since I’m having some trouble finding real 1:1 dates with real men, I’ve reverted to the comfortable, neighborhood Park Date. This is an ongoing date that happens every night, in the convenience of my own ‘hood. It is not 1:1 exclusive, but it always promises to be fun. At any given time there is a motley combination of grownups with their “special” canteens, kids, animals and bikes (kids not to be confused with animals).

Last night I was feeling lonely, so I texted a quick pick up line to my old standby, the reliable, dependable Park Dates. Unlike most cheesy dates who play hard-to-get mind games, Park Dates don’t hesitate to jump right in. We all congregated in a matter of minutes.

Friends & pets!
And Jen was swept off her feet. Literally. Now, Jen is married to a very hot firefighter. But he is not the one who swept her away. Jen was innocently walking, holding her little boy when an immense black dog came charging up. You’d think doggie would have the sense to avoid a large object like Jen, but no. He hit her full on behind the knees (she didn’t even see it coming). Jen flew up high and then hit the ground with an immense thud (and she is not a thuddy-type person). Her son flew even higher and echoed the thud in miniature. The neighbors were dumbfounded. It was like a cartoon, but better! Oh...wait. Is Jen HURT?

Dates, if you have too many of them, often seem to end in hurt.  Why is that???

But Jen bounced back. That’s what I like to see in a Park Date. Resilience.

04 October 2011

Getting Married Again - Part 2

I received some feedback on my Getting Married Again blog entry from Fiery Fiona in her Rebuttal. Apparently I’m not being realistic.

Is marriage as an institution realistic? With a divorce rate greater than 50%, it certainly begs the question. People live longer now. That means a lifetime of love and happiness may have to endure 60 years instead of 20. We don’t bear children to help us out with farm chores anymore. Instead, kids require 20 years of self-sacrifice, and are a money-pit that suck the life out of even the most decent marriages. And forget about “growing together over time.” In this era of instant gratification, sticking together through thick and thin is an ancient, lost art.

Despite all this, I have HOPE. Hope that in this great big world, I have a soulmate. Or maybe a few of them lurking in the shadowy corners of foreign countries…where I probably won’t find them.

Fiery Fiona pointed out that marriage can be like creating a fictional character (Lemony Snicket comes to mind, but he already exists) and then trying to fit our real marriage into them.

Instead of deluding ourselves that our prospects will fit our every need, I think we need to institute a pre-test. Agent calls this his standard screening process (SSP) for quality deal breakers (QDBs). Some qualifiers, like narcissists, control-freaks and high-maintenance mates need to be eliminated immediately.

Be warned! Some prospects get really good at faking on the qualifiers until you marry them...then they show you the real thing: beer-guzzling, football-watching, womanizing, lazy-a$$, court-hugging bamboozles!

A new direction
Know the signs and act quickly! We’re getting older and don’t have as much time to waste...