29 May 2012

Bifurcation Date

Today is very special. I’ve been bifurcated.

Sounds like perhaps I’ve been cut in half?

If you guessed that, you are close! Like chickens that live on once their heads are gone, divorced people function much the same way. You can lose your head and live on! Sometimes, people don’t even know your head is missing, especially if they didn’t know you before.

In all seriousness, because I’m such a serious person, I’ll tell you how serious this situation is.

On the yellow brick road to divorce, a bifurcation generally means one of two things:

1) The spouse requesting the bifurcation is in a big hurry to marry someone else ! Such a hurry that they cannot even wait for the divorce to get finalized. So they “bifurcate” as a shortcut. But be warned: these splitting and reproducing spouses come with several warning labels. If you add water, like a swimming pool for example, they grow to epic sponge-like proportions, sponging all your time and money.

2) The other reason to bifurcate is to buy a house with the new lover. Quick! Hurry up! Best to do that before you decide you really hate each other. Then you are more trapped when you try to get out of that ill-fated relationship. In fact, you may still own your pre-bifurcated (like pre-fabricated?) house although you’ve refused to pay on that mortgage for quite some time. Accounting oversight?

So get ready everybody, let’s do the BIFURCATION!

It’s like the Macarena, but the steps are even less complex!

No comments:

Post a Comment