Respectful Date

People are talking about respect these days. Chant with me: R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

Dear Mother:

Gargoyles who kidnap

Even though I’ve stolen your children from you, you should not be angry at me. I’m a super person. With fake eyelashes and a fake tan, I can teach your children a lot about what it means to be beautiful and humane. Plus, I love to shop til I drop, and I buy them clothes like they’re my little paper doll set. If only they were really made of thin cardboard and didn’t have such three-dimensional personalities. I also love to sit on my brand new couch and watch TV, while I watch your children clean my house and my dog poo. Like really, I am here to provide stabilization for your children. I’ve made up nicknames for them, and I’m even allowing you to borrow my nicknames, because I’m so super. Just because my IQ is a lot lower than yours doesn’t mean I’m dumb. I’m a super person and I’m making sure your kids are…well, brainwashed. So their brains are nice and clean.

Respectfully,

The Child Kidnapping Gargoyle

Dear Child Kidnapping Gargoyle:

You stole my children.

Super-dumb or not, you’re missing the main point.

See you in the woods.

With all due respect (which is none),

Mother Bear

I can respect that