12 February 2014

Watch Your Back Date

People lie by nature. Not all people tell big, bad lies. But enough people tell little lies for them to add up to one big one. Living a lie, you might say.

Certainly lies have their use, such as in the courtroom, or to get you out of going on a date when you’d rather be home picking your nose in front of the television (or fireplace, in my case). Rather than hurt a date’s feelings, I have a convenient Top 50 Easiest Lies List I refer to from time to time. I don’t think anyone’s on to me yet, so let me impart just a few:

1)      “I didn’t see your text.”
2)      “I didn’t have my phone all day.”
3)      “My voicemail is full.”
4)      “I’ve changed my e-mail address.”
5)      “I was out of town.”
6)      “My kids were sick, and I mean puking everywhere.”
7)      “I had a major deadline at work.”
8)      “I love your haircut.”
9)      “Your father is a nice man.”
10)   “I’m unemployed and can’t afford dinner.”
11)   “I already saw that movie.”
12)   “I just turned 21.”
Your back is unprotected in love and lies.
13)   “I’ll never love again.”

Harmless, right? In small quantities, dating lies serve many purposes. The problem lies (that’s not a pun) in the gradual spreading of lies throughout your day, lies seeping in through the cracks and pervading all else. Before you know it, you are an expert liar. Lying is dating skill that will first kill any relationship, then kill you.

I’m not lying. Watch your back.

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