18 July 2011

Friends With Benefits!

For single divorced women with kids, dating is really complicated. Schedules, living arrangements – the logistics can be worse than being married. So why not just be really good friends, with benefits? What does this mean, exactly?

I looked up “friends with benefits” on urbandictionary.com because I think I need to learn more about this phenomenon…and there are 37 different definitions. Here’s just some of what Urban Dictionary has to say:

1.       Two friends who have a sexual relationship without being emotionally involved. Typically two good friends who have casual sex without a monogamous relationship or any kind of commitment.

2.       Friends by day, sex partners by night.

3.       A safe relationship, that mimics a real partnership but is void or greatly lacking jealousy and other such emotions that come with a serious relationship.

4.       When two people are in the stage between friendship and a relationship, often resulting in kissing, etc. Also known as flirtationship.

5.       Girl: "Yeah, you're cool but...I don't really wanna be seen with you. Sorry."
Guy: "Yeah, I just wanna get in your pants without having to do anything for you."

6.       Two friends with a very casual dating relationship. The benefits can be really good, long, flirty conversations; make-out sessions with no commitment; sex without commitment; etc.

7.       Two fairly close, or very close friends have the hots for one another. They do have some sort caring for one another, but it is not one of a romantic couple.

8.       A man and a woman who don't enjoy commitment like to fool around with one another because they find each other attractive.

9.       When two friends want to flirt, touch, hug, and mess around or more without having to commit or wonder if they are dating.

10.    A relationship between an ex-boyfriend and an ex-girlfriend, or people who are into each other without formally dating, where sex is involved, and the woman wants to be a couple again; until the woman realizes that the man is never going to step up and make a commitment - he just wants the romping without the responsibility. Men can usually separate the physical from the emotional; women usually have a harder time of it.

11.    The cause of sexually transmitted diseases. “Yeah I'm friends with benefits with Suzie, Kate, and Jen. Now I have chlamydia and I don't know from who or who I gave it to.”

12.    Two friends that have an attraction to each other but can't be in an official relationship for whatever reason.

13.    A healthy, fun sexual relationship between two people...until one falls for the other and the friendship blows to pieces. And those two people find themselves worse off than they were before.

14.    The benefits are not exclusive, buyer beware!

Sounds wonderful! Just a notch below divorce. Take someone you really like AND find physically attractive. Remove commitment, obligation, jealousy and voila – you have a relationship just about as void of feeling as a dead skinned cat. And I already have one of those, BTW, so I don’t need another one.

However...were I to pursue this option…readers, please vote on which definition you think I should go for! Your opinion counts!


  1. Definition 13 - This is it! Beware here too it could be you.

  2. It can get complicated to both persons.

  3. @ plentyoffish.com: Does this mean it's safer to go with online matchmaking sites like yours, and risk the unknown...to give up the comfort and security of FWB?