16 June 2014

Nail Me Now Date

This is about nailing. And not the kind of nailing you’re probably thinking of. I’m talking about getting my nails done in preparation for a date.

Makeup makes me oh-so-perfect!
Do guys even like painted nails? Do guys find these brightly colored acrylics attractive or artificial? What about lipstick? Is it gross to kiss me when I have ricinus communis seed oil-polybutene-stearalkonium hectorit-titanium dioxide-carbomer-propylene glycol and good ol’ fashioned lead on my lips? Or is that appetizing?

Because us girls are going to great lengths for these often frustrating beauty routines. And it’s time we know if it’s worth it to you.

This weekend I went to get my nails painted so I’d look more like Barbie for my date. First mistake: I had a coupon. At the nail salon I frequent, they hate you if you’re getting a discount. 

Why publish a coupon if you’re going to punish your customers for using it? I don’t get that. But I succumbed to the torture in order to save a lousy 2 dollars, in order to get treated like a worthless piece of poo.

As soon as they realized I possessed a coupon, all spa pampering was off. The pedicurist's leg massage turned into an angry kneading. My toes never got the glossy topcoat, the one that makes the nail job last. The manicurist actually stood up and yanked my arm up at an awkward angle. She then brusquely and harshly slapped on the polish. It looked like a 3-year-old child had painted my nails – missed spots, polish all over my cuticles - messy mess. I gave them double the cost of the “treatment” and they refused to give me any change. I guess I was obligated to tip highly for using the fateful coupon.

So instead of being relaxed and feeling pampered, I was stressed, broke and pissed. All for a date.

Would you nail me now?

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