07 May 2011

Rejection Lines

This is not the line you stand in to get rejected, as this title may lead you to believe. Although maybe I have been standing in the wrong line all along – in fact I’ve been Line Leader – and I didn’t even know it!

In the world of Dating Suburban, you need to become accustomed to constant rejection. Kind of like actors who work as waiters for 20 years, waiting tables and waiting to be selected for the 5-minute role of passerby in a movie. Dating is the same way, lots of waiting for a small victory. A victory that might never come. Is it even worthwhile? You tell me.

Since I have vast experience being rejected, I’d like to share with you some of the most popular rejection lines in Dating Suburban history. If you have not yet used these yourself, give them a try!

A few have made me cry. Some make me mad. Really mad. A couple were laughable. But only in hindsight. Mostly, I just feel utterly rejected!

Come experience this yourself. Then, for best results, use them on someone else for true vindication.

First, there are the numerous forms of “It’s not you ; it’s all me.”

Then, there’s the “It’s all you (you’re full of irreparable flaws and have caused every problem in this relationship) and I’m perfect, so I deserve better than you. Someone who treats me right.”

I have extensive experience in both styles of rejection.

“I’m sure so many guys will like you because you’re such a great catch…but personally I don’t want you…and here’s why…”
Proceeds to list their top 100 flaws – I’m a perfectionist, I’m too old, I’m too young, I count sheep when I sleep, I’m still a boy at heart, I’ve cheated on every women I’ve been with, my retirement account balance is too low to support your Goodwill shopping sprees, whatever.

“I’m really messed up in the head.”
OK, thanks for letting me know now. You saved me the mental institution bill.

“I don’t date women from work.”
 I’ve gone out with at least 100 women from my office, but now that you’ve come along, I’ve changed my policy. OK, got that. I work in policy change management in my corporate job, so I understand the type.

“I’m not over my marriage.”
Yes, not now, but when you meet the next woman it’s amazing how quickly you’ll get over it.

And my favorite old-timer: “You’re psycho.”
They never say this one to your face. It just gets back to you through the twisted grapevine.

Given a few more minutes, I’m sure I could come up with hundreds more. They’re right at the tip of my tongue, or should I say the tip of my ear.

What are some rejection lines that have been used on you? Can I borrow them?

Still bloodied & waiting in line to get rejected, again.
But still smiling, and dating...


  1. "I need space." An old favorite. It's a slight variation of the common "it's not you, it's me..... but it's really you" theme. This method absolves the rejecter of any wrong doing and leaves the rejected in a state of confusion trying to figure out what is wrong with them and is the relationship really over. Rough translation: I am out of here for whatever reason. Closure? Ha! You are on your own. -Agent

  2. I have a few...
    1. I decided to get back together with my wife. (The one you told me you divorced a year ago?)
    2. We are headed in different directions. (Right, I want a boyfriend and you want many girlfriends)
    3. I just don't have time in my schedule (Then why were you on a dating website wanting a long-term relationship?)
    4. If you want a commitment, I'm not your guy (in other words, he wants sex, but with many women, and again, why were you on a dating website wanting a long-term relationship?)
    and my favorite:

    5. We are not nutritionally compatible.